when you feel like giving up

 Assalamualaikum, it's been a while :) 

Last entry tulis time dekat Malaysia lagi, now moving on to a univ. students's life :') yang wowww, unbelievably exhausting than what I expected.

dekat sini 1 semester = 4 bulan, sekarang tengah summer holiday hence the 'kerajinan' to update. How I would summarize these 4 months,it's similar to when you ride a looooong train but you don't know when and which station you should get off. It's really tiring, confusing and a mix of feeling lost even there are soo soo many people around you that want to offer help. 

March- terima tawaran univ by email, settlekan documents untuk masuk univ.

April - pilih subject *ni pun susah ye guys, jangan ambil subjek yang rasa tak boleh go! pleaselah, sedar:) why did you always choose to suffer? ye saya tengah cakap dengan diri sendiri*

start online classes, and yeah of course can't understand anything sebab kanji yang dia guna dekat class banyak yang x familiar. *sigh* 

May- preparation nak fly, terpaksa skip a few classes to attend meetings. esok nak fly tu literally luggage tak siap kemas lagi :') sebab nak siapkan reports dulu and yeah kejar deadlines.

June + July - so many happy and unhappy things happend. hitori gurashi (living alone) life started, handphone rosak but cannot repair here because literally susah nak jumpa kedai yang accept Android untuk repair. Ohmy this bias made me want to fly back to Malaysia. But still, living alone is better than living together but having so many misunderstanding tho, no regret.

+living alone made me overthink, feel a lil lonely but having a space for myself to reflect, a place I could call 'home', is heartwarming. Currently looking forward on how my room will turns out, harapnya kekal la semangat ni, hoho. 

Is this what it feels like to be an adult? semua kena settle sendiri, segala bil, spending semua kena pandai2 sendiri T_T I'm still a kid ( not by age obviously )  

kadang-kadang tu selalu burn out, padahal tak buat apa pun hari tu. Just tidur, termenung. 

Biasanya orang lain akan keluar jalan-jalan. But I'm too lazy to dot that bare minimum + rasa tak selesanya bila orang asyik pandang kita *muslim is minority here* . So I tend to avoid doing things that will expose me to the p e o p l e.  

and I will always choose, the most effective way *at least for me* to reduce my burn out, and to boost my motivation ; listen to music🎧

setiap orang mesti la ada playslist sendiri, lagu yang bagi dia there's something about this song yang bagi semangat, tak kisahla lagu rock ke lagu r&b. 

For me, time penat biasanya dengar lagu yang ceria so that kita pun jadi bersemangat // dengar lagu yang makna dia kita boleh relate. Lagu tu hits different lagi2 bila kita tengah ada masalah, burn out or just feels like a loser. so harini nak share one of them, tapi dia lagu Japanese.

AKB48 - 365 Nichi no Kamihikouki (365日の紙飛行機; 365 Days of Paper Airplanes)

Lagu ni cover je, lagu asal lagi sedih actually, suka dua2 tapi yang ni version santai and happy :)

Maksud lagu ni bagus, made me realised that kita ni bukan sorang-sorang, and it's okay to ask for help, and don't forget to enjoy little things in your life despite how hard it is :')  + lirik dia boleh relate with my loneliness, and my social anxiety yang makin serious lepas dah fly ni. alang2 tu nak letak maksud lirik dia in english and highlight few lyrics that touched me.

I looked up at the morning sky
And quietly made a wish
That I’d be able to smile
All day today

It rains every now and then,
And my eyes flood with tears
But if the day’s not going the way you hoped,
Let’s just do the best we can tomorrow instead

I’ve always had this dream
One where I’m all alone
And I’m free to do
Whatever I’d like

Life is a paper airplane
It flies with the wishes we set on it
It only moves as far forward
As the arm you put into it
It’s not about competing for distance
The most important thing
Is how it flew, and where it flew
C’mon and follow your heart
365 days of the year

When I can’t seem to cheer up,
I talk to other people
About how many stars I can see
About nights when I can’t see a thing

People aren’t
As alone as they think
They just don’t notice
The kindness right there beside them

Life is a paper airplane
Flying with the love we set on it
We all look up
At the wings it spreads so confidently
Maybe we don’t know how to fold one
But we’ll get it to fly before we know it
It’s propelled by hope
Oh, let’s just enjoy ourselves
365 days of the year

Life is a paper airplane
It flies with the wishes we set on it
It only moves as far forward
As the arm you put into it
It’s not about competing for distance
The most important thing
Is how it flew, and where it flew
C’mon and follow your heart
365 days of the year

Go on, fly!
Let’s fly!
Go on, fly!
Let’s fly!
Go on, fly!
Let’s fly!

Kalau rajin boleh tengok dekat youtube yang ada lirik, =) 
Husna selalu rasa berterima kasih dekat penyanyi2 yang buat lagu with meaningful lyric macam ni, dia buat lagu tu lagi ada value, especially zaman sekarang ni lirik lagu pelik2 saje. Tolonglah buat banyak lagi lagu2 yang macam ni :) future me will be so grateful. Gotta kemas balik my playslist. Husna punya tengah serabut ye sekarang so emosi ikut playslist kejap rancak kejap sendu kejap rasa macam nak keluar jogging hahaha. 
Oklah itu saja, thank you baca sampai habis xD